naked in a church and eating beans

"dreams and wishes" by nicole pierce @flickr

No, I’m not one of those who have a recurring dream of being naked in a church, or of losing my teeth, although those are classic anxiety dreams. I do have one dream-slash-nightmare which has existed as part of my life for nearly all of it, popping up during times of flux. It is quite typical, it seems, especially common among women and overachievers or perfectionists (although perhaps the fact that I am, as time goes by, less and less of each is the reason I have the dream far less frequently these days).

It’s usually a blend of being lost and being unprepared. Either it is final exam day and I’ve never before been to the class (and don’t know where it is, hence the lost dual categorization), or I’m lost in some city without money to get home.

Oddly enough the city dream often takes place in the same place. It’s not a real place: perhaps a concocted city I’ve woven from the many cities I’ve lived in. I actually feel quite at home there…it’s almost as if in its familiarity I feel safe in my anxiety.

Last night’s involved scary dark streets, a few people I know and some women I was offering solace to, in Spanish. Oh, and it seems I had just had some sort of an operation. I found and then lost a neighbor who was to help me, and found and lost my purse.

Why the anxiety? Well, life is sweet and good and I truly have no reason to be anxious. Minor annoyances, but all are happy and healthy and that, my friends, is really all that matters. So no reasons for anxiety…

Oh wait, there is one. Bunny number one is going to college next year which, in this lovely land of opportunity of ours where everything has its price, is going to make us eat a lot of beans, and accrue a lot of debt. There is really no way around that. Must be that, or the fact that the car is in the shop with three recalls and there is a chance they’ll tell me it’s no longer drivable, which would mean I’d have to buy a new one!

So there I am, naked, losing my teeth, penniless and lost… in a church. Go figure!

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