sex and exploding watermelons

"watermelon" by tamaki via flickr

The news is full of explosive sex and watermelons today.

Carla (Bruni, the wife of French President Sarkozy) is apparently pregnant, although denying it. She is, francophiles may remember, the one who had a series of lovers and said–before marrying that bore of Sarkozy–that she found monogamy dull.

Mr. Strauss-Kahn, the head of the IMF who is now wasting away in a cell in Riker’s Island, apparently found monogamy boring too. Whether or not the sex with the Sofitel Hotel maid was rough and consensual or rough and rape is yet to be determined (and I for one don’t wish to leap to any judgement on that one.)

And then there is Mr. Slimy Schwarzenegger who, it seems, had a child ten years ago with a member of their household staff who continued to work with them for ten more years after the birth of the child. It was only when she “retired” that he broke the news to his wife. He rightly says there are “no excuses,” but meanwhile is off gallivanting to the Xingu River in Brazil with James Cameron (who had his own issues, married five times although, according to one of his exes “faithful”).

I won’t mention (did I just?) that they found quite a bit of porn apparently on thumb drives in the Bin Laden million-dollar compound -slash- crumbly concrete prison.

Hormones, hormones, hormones. We’re all about hormones gone awry.

Seed. It’s all about seed, and even in nature it seems they are out of control.

Farmer Liu Minguo still has nightmares of the “flying pips, shattered shells and fleshy shrapnel” of his fields of exploding watermelons. Seems he and his staff applied a growth accelerator to the crop, a bit too late too, for added to that the wet conditions the melons exploded like “landmines.” (Read the full story, in all its lurid details, here.)

Uncontrollable men. Uncontrollable melons. Same difference, meh.

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One thought on “sex and exploding watermelons

  1. I found myself giggling as I read your post because like you, I read the news you allude to this morning–and in the same order you post them! Seriously, the head of IMF gropping the poor maid, WTF? And hey Arnold, now that is just unforgiveable! All in all, things that make you go “hmmm…” 🙂

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